“…despite having a child, I still had goals and a deep desire to be great at whatever I chose to do.”
After a breakup that seemed much like a divorce, I was completely distraught. Maybe I watched too many movies or read too many love stories, but nothing about starting a family was a fairy tale for me. I was left with a mortgage, a baby and 4 bathrooms with little energy to clean them. I always wondering how families failed to keep things together for the kids, but the relationship just no longer worked. I was completely embarrassed that my family failed and it weighed on me deeply.
It had become emotionally and mentally draining and I no longer had the strength to fight.
Between balancing my career, motherhood, love and trying find myself – I was exhausted. My desire to outwork everyone and climb the corporate ladder had became a blur. My life was filled with work. Corporate America without children is hard enough and all I could think about was my baby and sleep.
I guess without having an open conversation about it – I figured I would take some time off to get myself together. I did not help with many of the bills. I actually only paid my car note and what I could. I read a lot of books and it said most wealthy families allowed the wife to stay home and raise the kids, so I figured we were good.
But, I was no wife.
I almost blinked and I was by myself in a home with a mountain of bills, a baby and a dry savings. I had to figure it out and I had to figure it out, fast.
“…nothing about starting a family was a fairy tale for me.”
Bake Your Own Cake was a phrase I seen in a Facebook post called 10 Points for 2016. Of all the 10 Points, Bake Your Own Cake resonated with me most. I guess because in motherhood, I had somewhat lost myself and was leaning on a lot of others (son’s father) to support me. Not that support is a bad thing, my father was extremely supportive. My mom never worked outside the home. Her children were her top and only priority. My father handled everything. Little did I know, that situation came with lots of fine prints, terms and conditions.
Nevertheless, Bake Your Own Cake meant so much more for me. It meant having a game plan, period. It meant being prepared and in a place where you could simply handle yourself. It meant despite who walked in or out my life, I’d be good without a question. It meant being able to fork out $2200 monthly in bills because I worked extremely hard for this life. It meant that despite having a child, I still had goals and a deep desire to be great at whatever I chose to do. From me, it meant going back to Corporate America, going back to school, getting a few certifications and re-evaluating what was truly important to me. It meant going to yoga, therapy and getting to the root of my ‘real’ problems. It meant practicing a newfound level of self care, decluttering my home, friends and canceling any negative thinking. It meant putting God at the forefront and establishing a solid relationship with the Most High.
Bake Your Own Cake meant that although things were nothing like I planned them, I slept easy at night knowing I was in full control of my destiny because not only was I in the kitchen, I was making things happen in the office, too.