“If I don’t kill, we don’t eat!”
Three years ago, my daughter came into my life! I did not come into hers, and I do not move in a fashion that suggests such, either. I don’t mean that in a mean or aggressive way, more so in a realistic way! I am often asked, how I handle and how I balance. The answer is, how I always have. I get it done! I don’t make excuses for myself, and I definitely don’t use her as an excuse! If I don’t kill, then we don’t eat. So, I do what I have to do, it’s simple. I focus on one thing, getting it done! I have moved this way since she was born, and so, this is second nature for us.
Being a single mom, requires you to balance a lot of things! In my case, I am balancing a demanding career, motherhood, a pinch of a social life, my own personal life, dating and the list goes ON! My daughter is with me about 85% of the time (well, not including the time she’s in school). Therefore, much of what I do, is done with her in tow.
So, is mom guilt a scam?
Of all those things I named, can you guess what my priority is…Drumroll, please……ME! Just so you aren’t confused, I LOVE my daughter; like obsessed with her! However, I need to be well mentally and physically, so that I can be an effective parent! I need to be well so that I can love on her, and give her everything she needs in a mother. Now I don’t mean that I never put her needs before mine, but I make myself a priority, just as I do her! For my own self, I have some nonnegotiables. I like getting my nails done, and Parker has come with me to get my nails done, literally since she was in my womb, and then maybe 30 days out the womb. My hairstylist allows her to come to the salon, as well! She’s well-behaved, she knows how to act, and she understands my busy lifestyle because, SHE CAME INTO MY LIFE! She doesn’t know another way!
Fortunately, my daughter is extremely well-mannered, and I am thoughtful to bring her activities and iPad, just incase a meltdown occurs. I am very careful to make adjustments, and time for her! However, often times, I am juggling, but making it happen. Although I work at home, my daughter goes to school EVERYDAY! I am usually working during that time, and even if I’m not, I NEED those 8 hours! I also look forward to the one or two nights a week that she is away with my mom, or her dad (which is seldom).
If you think about it, we decide to have children, usually at the peak of our careers, and we are upset when it’s time to go back to work. I was actually ready to go back to work after my 12 weeks, which I neither here or there. Often times, the things we feel most guilty about are challenging circumstances that require compromising and more in-depth decision-making. So, is mom guilt a scam?
Needing time to yourself is not a crime, and it’s ok to recharge and have alone time to yourself! I’m no doctor of any sort, but I’d imagine that being tired and overwhelming is unhealthy for both the parent and the child. Further being a mom is no excuse for not being able to manage a balanced (relatively speaking) life. Children are very flexible, and more accommodating that we believe. I am speaking from experience!
Another great, honest read! Love this because we have to just do it…and we do! Keep it up sis I need these reads in my life!!
Really great insight! And yes, I am guilty of feeling awful for placing my needs first. However, you’re absolutely on the money here. It’s keeps me mentally sane which ultimately results in healthier parenting for my daughter.
It does! By no means do I think it’s ok to be neglectful or to constantly put your child(ren) off. However, there’s nothing wrong with needing a break.